The Power of a Shower

My daily schedule has greatly shifted from my routine over the last couple years. I typically leave for work around 2:30pm, getting home around 9:00pm. This means that I'm mor in sync with my natural body clock (I'm a night owl, not a morning person), and so I currently have the luxury of sleeping in later, then getting up, having breakfast, showering, spending time watching the morning news and checking my email, before getting down to work around 10am. "Work" could then be household chores, schoolwork, or a combination of the both. All this to say that often I have the tv running in the morning, since I can't stand the quiet in the house. This is how I was (re)introduced to the Tyra Banks talk show. I saw the preview for today's show a few days ago, and made a point to sit down and watch this one.

Her topic? Teenage girls who are actively trying to have babies.

The panel of 10 or so girls consisted of about half who were already pregnant, and half who were going out of their way to become so. Two girls, in particular, just blew my mind. When asked why they wanted to conceive, the first, a 13-year-old, said it was because babies were cute and that baby showers were alot of fun because you got to play games and you got all sorts of gifts. Because, you know, 2 hours of gifts is about equivalent to a lifetime of commitment.

But the other girl? Oh dear, the other girl. She had been pregnant THREE times before! The first one ended in a miscarriage before she even realized she was pregnant. To hear her explain it, she doesn't feel a real loss over the miscarriage because, well, she didn't know there was a baby to begin with. She went to the hospital thinking she had the flu, and oops, guess what? She's had two abortions since then because the father of the baby insisted he didn't want children. So now she is trying to get pregnant again because she thinks that the said father, who is now her ex, will come back if she gets pregnant again. He does, after all, have such a glorious track record. And this young lady? She's sixteen.

Both girls estimate the cost of raising a baby for one year to be between $7000 and $12000.

From my new maternal perspective, I just can't wrap my mind around this. I'll admit, one of the joys of pregnancy is how much attention you receive. Everybody wants to love and dote on the expectant parents, but especially the mother. Who doesn't like to be loved like that? Maybe that's part of the appeal for teenage mothers? Also, you get membership to this longstanding private club of other pregnant women who all want to share notes and stories and experiences. There is some bonding in that. But it's also a club fraught with morning sickness woes, and miscarriage concerns, and gestational diabetes, and financial concerns, and hormonal arguments. I'm finding it to be an incredible experience, but NO WAY could I have handled this 10, 12, 15 years ago. And we don't even have a baby yet! At least not outside of the womb. My dad, after much congratulations and excitement told me later, "Congratulations...and welcome to the end of your life as you know it." Another former colleague, a father of two adult girls, wrote me to say, "Congratulations....now the fun really begins...." I'm aware (as much as one can be) that this is a commitment that Kev and I have made from now until forever.

The other half of the panel, the pregnant or new moms, were a stark contrast. Two already have babies born in the last 12 months. Both wanted to make it clear that their children were their world, that they were completely devoted to them. BUT! One of them, who has an 8 month old, is now 6 months pregnant with her second and has no idea what she's going to do next. Another, age 17, miscarried at 14, got pregnant a year and a half later, give birth to that child in 2007, then had a third in July of 2008, which she gave up for adoption. Like the other young mother, she was in tears.

A final panelist is 8 months pregnant with her first. Her plan was to get on welfare and state assistance (arrghhh!!! that's a whole other post...), so she could be on her own and not have any rules. Unfortunately, that's not going to pan out for her, and she'll be living at home. She regrets ever deliberately putting herself in this situation.

I was having this discussion with Kevin last night, and I think the part that's so surprising to me is that so many young girls are trying to conceive, some still in middle school. I don't remember that anyone I knew in middle school was pregnant, let alone deliberately. In high school, I knew or knew of a few pregnant mothers, but none that, again, went out searching, for a pregnancy. So what has changed in 10 years that this now the new fad? It's unfortunate that this is a fad that can't just pass. Unlike slap bracelets, or neon leggings, (yes, dating myself), you can't throw a baby out when it is no longer popular.