Anybody else following this story about the woman who returned her 7 year old adopted son to Russia because he allegedly displayed violent and unstable tendencies?
I suppose that if you are an adopted parent, and you find the situation is not working, there should be a way to remedy the situation? But aren't these things screened ahead of time? If it were the woman's own biological child, would she be just as inclined to send him packing if things were not going to plan? And if the allegations regarding his behavior are true, is it possible that it didn't show up until they got back to the United States? Or was parenting just harder than she anticipated?
I don't know. There's definitely something wrong here. And no matter WHAT the situation, I cannot imagine a situation where it's appropriate to put a child on a plane with a note saying you're sending him back, and then paying some random guy $200 to pick him up on the other side.
EVER.
Any adoptive parents out there who can speak to how the system works? What SHOULD have been done in this situation?
Monday, April 12, 2010
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6 comments:
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As a subfertile woman I would like to show this story to everyone who thinks/says, "why don't you just adopt?" it shows that adoption isn't for people who lose the fertility lottery but rather something people have to believe in and commit to in its own right. (Sorry for the tangent.)
that being said, my understanding is that the woman felt that she'd been deceived and the extent of the kid's issues weren't disclosed. It doesn't make what she did right but it does add another dimension to the story. I feel kind of bad for her (and I obviously feel bad for the child), because while what she did was totally crazy, it looks like she tried to find a responsible way out. She tried to send the kid back. I don't know about the legalities of "returning" an adopted child or if safe haven laws apply but it LOOKS like she did what she thought was best...
A heartbreaking story all around and my heart goes out to those would-be adoptive parents and children who need placement whose years of time, effort, and money may be affected by this woman's inability to cope.
My two cents. ;)
A heartbreaking story! As I understand it, the adoption was final, which means that mom was no different than you or me--if we were having trouble with our biological children, we would seek help from therapists, social services etc. and if we had to we might place the child in the foster care system or put them up for adoption--that's what she *should* have done.
Very tragic, that kid is scarred for life!
I've heard that there are now several Russian families who wish to adopt this boy now. I hope that the time is taken to find him a suitable home, one willing to cope with his anger, if need be, and guide him and love him as a 7 year old needs to be. He needs stability.
I feel really bad for the boy. Russian orphanages, I've heard, are terrible. I wrote a post a few weeks ago on my Olympics blog about a gold-medal winning sledge hockey player that was adopted from Russia... his parents went on and adopted another sibling from the same orphanage, which he describes as not much more than an alley.
That being said, I can feel for parents that don't feel safe with the child. With your own kid, it's (relatively) easy to teach them the way you do things because you have them since birth; however, if your love for a child is why you are adopting, then you would do anything within your power to help that child.
One you adopt that child is your own - period. She should have gotten him help. Not sent him back. Just my two cents.
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